• Valerie Bryant Felder

4 WAYS TO GET PAST DREAD AS A MOM


Weeks like this past one are incredibly trying for me as a mom – and I bet they are for you, too! It’s when you responsibly line up everything about life for your family to go right, and then you are met with quite the opposite – defining a sort of motherhood dread. Let me share how I create my own

Moving From Dread to Inner Peace

breakthroughs.


This past week, I was faced with so many undesired circumstances until I wanted to go find a high mountain top get-away perch to remove myself from the staleness of my valley low experiences and outcomes.

I enjoy waking ahead of my family every morning to set the house nicely. It’s my manner of greeting them with the beauty of order. Only a week ago, on a Friday, as I was washing our linens, preparing those items my children would need upon their waking, the washer told me “it was finished” – and said it with a loud clatter and bang. I called a tech who later diagnosed the problem, telling me the repair would exceed $300. You can imagine what I had to pay him to make both that “repair” trip and lofty declaration.

I called my appliance store and ordered a new machine, and then excitedly announced to my family that it would arrive by the following Tuesday. Stubborn me – I (we) washed everything by hand for the next days. I rubbed the sides of my hands almost raw as I wrung out the towels and such.


But that’s what mothers do, right?

That terrific Tuesday arrived, the deliver guys started unloading our machine off their truck. I had been inside the house dancing my joy jig, hardly able to contain myself to receive this newest member of our family. But then the men called me outside to inspect it. Somehow a big dent had happened to the front side of the washer. It was so huge until you could see the impression of the machine’s drum. The men next asked me if I wanted to accept it. (I have taught my children that there are good questions; there are bad questions. That question was neither for it fell in the category of senseless-stupid – but I’m sure they were following standard verbal operating procedure.) “No” was my response, of course. They took the machine back. Since everyone in the house knew I was not vectoring to go to the laundromat, we all went back to our knees, washing clothes by hand in the tub for a few more days. You can call it antiquated. I choose to call it “bound and determined”. The sides of my hands are screaming at me now.


But that’s what mothers do, right?

Once my supplier reset the new delivery to be some days later, everything else in my world seemed to begin following the same suit of falling apart.


  • My car failed to start and needed to be twice jumped in a matter of a week. Thankfully, it was just the battery that had been drained both times from somebody leaving on a dome light.


  • And then my backup car sprung an oil leak. Had to fix that too, plus deal with the oil stain it left behind on our driveway with . . . what did the mechanic say: “vintage“ powdered Tide laundry detergent, scrubbed like sandpaper into the concrete, using old tennis shoes I would wear as I skated it across my driveway over the stains. I guess that could look like a modified 2-step waltz to my neighbors. I hope I can get away with doing that one without anybody calling a crazy-person hotline on me!


  • And then came a dental bill in the day’s mail for one of my children. (“You want wha-WHAT?!?”)


#1 - When life keeps slinging curve balls at you, either ACT by hitting them out of the park, or duck!


  • And the dog ran out of food because one of my children failed to include dog food on the recent grocery list. Comparatively, that’s an easy fix, however, I was really wanting to stay home on that emotionally draining day, close to my cozy chair and away from further concerns. Now I must get out and brave the traffic. Once upon a real time, when God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, they obeyed all too well. I am a firm believer that 90% of their “fruit” live on my side of town! Where did all these people come from making all of this traffic? Did they all run out of dog food, too? Mercy! (Guess I’ll have to do a “hit” at this curve ball because I can’t starve the dog.)



#2 - When all else fails, figure good ways to self soothe, right?


By now, my stomach is handing me loud reminders that I forgot to eat. What’s on my mind then is a delicious bowl of yogurt – with nuts, raspberries, a squirt of lemon juice, and some stevia. I head to the refrigerator, taste buds fully activated. You moms know what happened next.


  • Somebody had eaten the last bit of yogurt – the one last joyful place for my now petrified soul as I brave my keto eating plan! Guess I’ll have to settle for nuts and water for I have no time to stop. My growling stomach is assuring me my dog is likely feeling the same;


I will pick up some yogurt, too, as I get her food, postponing my self-soothe bowl of yogurt by just a bit. (I’ll also be getting more toothpaste and dental floss for my child with the bad dental habits!)



#3 - When life keeps serving you a proverbial bowl of cherries, eat the cherries but power-pelt Mr. Murphy with all your pits!


My children will tell you one technique I use when overwhelm tries to “take me out” is talking directly to the inanimate object causing my anguish. On this particular day, the object of my scolding would be the disgusting Mr. Murphy, along with his senseless so-called laws.


“Hey, Murphy! I thought “bad luck” was supposed to happen in threes. Well, this week you proved your incompetence to me because you can’t even count! Move out of my way for I am no longer giving you permission to offset my emotions to negative. So, you can stop trying to cramp my style and cause me to feel that life is against me – because I am a daughter of the Most High – and you can have neither me nor my mind and spirit. Furthermore, I am cannon-balling every single one of these pits of despair and dread and burden right back on you. At the end of this all, I will STILL be standing!”



#4 - When you can’t see your way, connect with a friend who will give you time to simply talk – and maybe cry a little.


There are days when nothing you try wants to turn out as it should. These are days when you should not try leaning on your own understanding – figuring where and how to step next. One solid remedy could mean shedding your pain by airing your misery to another – a safe person. Be certain it is one you can trust. Be certain it’s one with whom you feel free to just be you. Such a time calms your nerves by helping you release the negatives and stressors weighing you down. Such allows another to help straighten your crown, which has become a bit weighty for you to adjust alone.


We have two more days before our washing machine arrives. After sharing with one of my Mama Sister Warriors in the trenches, I decided to take her advice and wave the white flag on this one. Once I post this blog, we are loading up the car and heading to the laundromat. My raw hands are thanking me!


I hope you can take any of these steps into your upcoming weeks and live a freer existence from dreads that try stealing your peace and joy. Don’t carry more than you should, even as a mom. You are a mother – a person with definite purpose who must also remember to show yourself grace, because:


That’s really what mothers do!

#motherhood, #hardtimes, #whenlifestinks, #waystovictoriousliving, #womenissues,

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